Wednesday, October 05, 2005

keeping my head above water

Last night I went to visit my ex-tenant to retrieve the apartment keys from her, now that she’s moved out. At a junction, the traffic lights turned red on me, and I had so wanted to just do the turn anyway. My mum was with me at that time, and she exclaimed, “Woi!…” before I could make the turn. I hit the brakes and stopped in time.

What did I think I was doing?

My mind wasn’t with me then. In fact, my mind hasn’t been anywhere lately.

And I haven’t seen my appetite, it seemed to have disappeared.

My mood’s gone all yo-yo on me yet again… or should I say it’s always been like that for sometime now?

I’m trying to sleep at night but keep waking up 2 hours too early.

I’m desperately trying to reach a friend who’s nowhere to be seen.

I’m trying to keep my sanity long enough to do my work and not screw up.

I’m driving some friends crazy lately with my sporadic bouts of silence and solitude, I’m sorry for pushing them away but I couldn’t help it.

So my dears, if you see me online and say hello but I don’t reply or I seem cold in my responses, I apologise. I don’t mean it. I needed to be alone.

Or if I say hello to you, don’t be afraid to reply and chat me up… I could do with a little human contact every now and then to keep things in perspective.