surviving another day
5 more days to Christmas. 6, if you include today.
People rushing around shopping for last-minute gifts, hunting down bargains. Carols sung in shopping malls, neighbourhoods, radios, portable music players. Dinner parties arranged, food menus planned, guest lists prepared.
If it's like how it was a year ago, I would've started playing Christmas songs on my laptop early December. Old favourites would repeat numerously until the day finally arrives. Although we don't celebrate Christmas, the tree would be up in a corner of our living hall adorned with silver-themed ornaments, including wrapped up empty boxes to complete the look of presents underneath the green umbrella.
This year, I don't seem to feel the thrill of it all. Somehow, the holiday season has lost quite a bit of lustre in my eyes and in my heart. I wasn't disappointed when mum said it’s a little too late to put up the tree now that renovations have finally completed; it'll only be for a week, then everything has to come back down again. Why bother?
I have yet to send out cards to my close friends. I'm forcing myself to do it after this because I know I'll regret it if I don't.
The only times I listen to carols are when they're played over the airwaves or in shopping malls. My iPod still constantly churns out melancholic tunes which, although would set me in an even more sombre mood, helps ease the restless, agitated feelings of boredom. I refused to have a single Christmas jingle stored.
I still get out and about - yesterday's bike hash, friends' farewell party, shopping for groceries and gifts. It helped kill time I felt I had too much of sometimes. I mechanically go about work and meetings and every-day routines. Routine is good; helps keep the mind busy and sane. I'm surprised and a little embarrassed by how much blogging I do. For now (and I think for awhile longer), it's all I have to express this dissatisfaction, disappointment and disgust within myself.
What's there to do to keep a sane mind during this phase of internal chaos? My own reminders...
* Don't stay home. Get out. Even if it's a walk around the block, or out to the garden to stare at the greens and browns. Might even notice a flower that's not there before.
* Be surrounded by people. Friends, strangers, colleagues, family, whoever.
* Exercise. Run, walk, step, aerobics, tennis, badminton, soccer, anything. Keep the heart pumping. The high will last only for awhile, but at least it'd take up a few seconds of time.
* Talk to someone. Rubbish talk, cock talk, whatever. 2-way conversations are better than one's mind arguing with one self.
* If there's no getting out of the house, do something in house. Clean the room. Bake. Cook. Rearrange the books on the shelves. Throw out the garbage. Pack unwanted clothing, shoes and things to give away. Sort out recyclables. No TV, though - this is too passive an activity.
* Write. Blog, journal, letter, doodles.
* Don't stay in bed.
* If there's absolutely no moving that weak-willed body, stay still. Accept the feelings of gloom, bathe in it for a while. Limit the grieving time. Stick to it. 1 hour tops. Get moving again.
* Keep the music playing.
If all else fails... seek professional help.
Don't worry, things are still under control...
Technorati: life, ramblings, depression
People rushing around shopping for last-minute gifts, hunting down bargains. Carols sung in shopping malls, neighbourhoods, radios, portable music players. Dinner parties arranged, food menus planned, guest lists prepared.
If it's like how it was a year ago, I would've started playing Christmas songs on my laptop early December. Old favourites would repeat numerously until the day finally arrives. Although we don't celebrate Christmas, the tree would be up in a corner of our living hall adorned with silver-themed ornaments, including wrapped up empty boxes to complete the look of presents underneath the green umbrella.
This year, I don't seem to feel the thrill of it all. Somehow, the holiday season has lost quite a bit of lustre in my eyes and in my heart. I wasn't disappointed when mum said it’s a little too late to put up the tree now that renovations have finally completed; it'll only be for a week, then everything has to come back down again. Why bother?
I have yet to send out cards to my close friends. I'm forcing myself to do it after this because I know I'll regret it if I don't.
The only times I listen to carols are when they're played over the airwaves or in shopping malls. My iPod still constantly churns out melancholic tunes which, although would set me in an even more sombre mood, helps ease the restless, agitated feelings of boredom. I refused to have a single Christmas jingle stored.
I still get out and about - yesterday's bike hash, friends' farewell party, shopping for groceries and gifts. It helped kill time I felt I had too much of sometimes. I mechanically go about work and meetings and every-day routines. Routine is good; helps keep the mind busy and sane. I'm surprised and a little embarrassed by how much blogging I do. For now (and I think for awhile longer), it's all I have to express this dissatisfaction, disappointment and disgust within myself.
What's there to do to keep a sane mind during this phase of internal chaos? My own reminders...
* Don't stay home. Get out. Even if it's a walk around the block, or out to the garden to stare at the greens and browns. Might even notice a flower that's not there before.
* Be surrounded by people. Friends, strangers, colleagues, family, whoever.
* Exercise. Run, walk, step, aerobics, tennis, badminton, soccer, anything. Keep the heart pumping. The high will last only for awhile, but at least it'd take up a few seconds of time.
* Talk to someone. Rubbish talk, cock talk, whatever. 2-way conversations are better than one's mind arguing with one self.
* If there's no getting out of the house, do something in house. Clean the room. Bake. Cook. Rearrange the books on the shelves. Throw out the garbage. Pack unwanted clothing, shoes and things to give away. Sort out recyclables. No TV, though - this is too passive an activity.
* Write. Blog, journal, letter, doodles.
* Don't stay in bed.
* If there's absolutely no moving that weak-willed body, stay still. Accept the feelings of gloom, bathe in it for a while. Limit the grieving time. Stick to it. 1 hour tops. Get moving again.
* Keep the music playing.
If all else fails... seek professional help.
Don't worry, things are still under control...
Technorati: life, ramblings, depression
posted by may at 12:36 am
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